Theme

Elegant baby or kid spaces are determined first by their theme. The lack of one can make even the most expensive room items look tasteless. Your first priority would therefore be to plan your theme. The first part of your theme plan would be to consider colors. You can settle for the safe combinations of baby blue and white or pink and white. You can also safely mix and match sets of three or four shades of pastel colors. If you want to be a little more daring, consider picking rich theme colors of red, green or yellow. Another option would be to attempt a vintage look. Match hardwood furniture with finely painted pastoral murals in shades of cream and brown.

Fabric

Another defining factor for fine child rooms is the fabric. Aside from the fabric on your child size bedding, you should also consider picking the right fabrics for a canopy and curtains. Although fabrics are typically picked for the comfort they can bring when used for bedding, they should also be considered for the feeling that they can bring to a room. One of the richest fabric types for any luxury room is velvet. You can create a lighter feeling to an elegant room though if you settled for fabrics like silk, organza, satin and damask. These are just perfect for kid spaces.

Furniture

Of course, your nursery or playroom should also feature fine children’s furniture. Although there are a variety of selections, few pieces can beat nursery furnishings made of hardwood. For a lighter and cleaner touch, you can settle for white furniture. You can achieve a more classic look however with finishes in shades of brown. Stainless steel furniture handles are perfect accents.

If you are designing a nursery, pay special attention to the crib. This is the focal point of any nursery. Pick a luxury crib with a canopy or one that is made of wood or wrought iron. Make sure its beddings come in soft fabric of high thread count. Do remember though to always pick a crib based on its compliance with safety standards. That means heirloom or antique cribs are out of the question. Although they are perfect pieces to enhance the look and feel of luxury, they may not be safe for your baby to use.

Lighting

Like colors and fabric, lighting is also a crucial defining point in a kid room. With the right set of lights, you can create the right atmosphere. You can pick an elaborate center light for directional lighting. Do consider getting dimmers though or installing sets of recessed lighting on the sides. Lamps with hoods that match your theme are a perfect addition. You might also want to include scones or wall lighting as room accents.

Planning kid spaces is truly a fulfilling task. This is all the more reason why you should only consider providing the best for your child’s room.

Co-parenting may not come naturally to you, particularly if you’re a high-conflict couple or you’re still recovering from the nastiness of a divorce. Divorced parents need to make a concerted effort to keep their conflicts with each other separate from their relationship as co-parents to their child.

Every year, 1 million U.S. kids become children of divorce. In settling child custody issues, their parents are likely to hammer out co-parenting agreements - committing to working together to raise their kids in spite of a divorce or separation. But co-parenting has its challenges. In the second part of our series of occasional articles on co-parenting, we look at how to make the transition from separated couple to parenting team.

Working together to help your child grow into a happy, confident and well-adjusted adult is something that all parents should aspire to. But it’s not something that comes easily to newly divorced or separated parents, or even to parents who were living apart in the first place.

It takes hard work to craft a “”co-parenting”" relationship that enables parents to cooperate in a way that benefits their child. As separated or divorced parents, you choose to live apart because you can’t see eye to eye on many things, and it’s unreasonable to expect that you’ll be able to immediately step away from all of that and become a cheery, friendly, co-parenting couple.

It can take months or years to forge a new relationship as parents together. But no matter how long it takes - or how difficult it is - finding a way to cooperate together as parents ultimately does pay off.

Keep your child uppermost in mind

Divorce or separation is devastating for children. It’s normal for them to experience anger, sadness, helplessness, fear and withdrawal.

8 cardinal rules of co-parenting

In order for co-parenting to succeed, there are some important rules that all co-parents should follow:

1. Do not use your child as a go-between.
2. Do not discuss your feelings about the other parent with your child.
3. Always remember that your child needs time with both of you to grow up healthy and happy.
4. If possible, never argue in front of your child.
5. Be flexible whenever possible.
6. Think of parenting time as benefiting your child, not you or the other parent.
7. Envision yourself and the other parent as a team.
8. If you are the residential parent, include the other parent as much as possible.

It is impossible for you as a parent to fully protect your child from the impact of the divorce. Your family has changed, and you have to expect that your child will need time to adjust. But the way that you and the other parent handle the change of a divorce, and the years following it, has a huge impact on the kind of experience it is for your child.

The purpose of your divorce was likely to end the fighting, to improve how you both feel, and to create happier lives for everyone. If you go through the divorce, only to continue arguing and fostering unpleasant feelings toward the other parent, you haven’t made a lot of improvements in your family’s life.

You can’t give your child proper support and attention if you and the other parent are always focused on what the other is doing wrong, or if you continue to dredge up bad feelings from your relationship as a couple.

Developing a new relationship that is low-conflict, pleasant on the surface, and routine will help your child relax and begin to feel more comfortable with the new arrangement. You will be able to focus more directly on your child’s needs. Your child will function better if she knows that there are two parents united behind her.

Learn how to think

Learning to co-parent means making a mental shift in the way you think about the other person. This is a person who has undoubtedly hurt you, let you down, insulted you, or worked against you in your relationship. It may seem like a tall order to set that aside and smilingly co-parent together.

You need to mentally compartmentalize your relationship with the other parent. In one room, put all of your feelings about him or her as your partner or spouse. All the hurt and anger from a divorce goes behind that door. You can go into that room whenever you need to, to work through those feelings.

In another room goes your relationship with this person as a parent. In this room, there is a table where you can sit and work together to create a good life for your child. On the walls are photos of your child in happy moments. This is the room you must place yourself in mentally when you are dealing with the other parent in a parenting situation.

This compartmentalizing is something you must commit to doing. It may be hard to sit in one room in your mind, while you know that the other room is next door. But you must direct your attention to cooperating and welcoming the other parent into your child’s life so your child can have the benefit of two parents who are reasonable, pleasant and accommodating to each other.

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About the Author: Alvaro Castillo has been writing about health and specializing pregnancy along with how to deal with the first year of their baby’s life for 10 years, helping women with positive results. For more information check out his website at http://www.myhomeparent.com or visit his blog http://myhomeparent.blogspot.com to share your opinion

“I love you”. Can any words possibly sound sweeter or offer greater comfort? Is any statement more natural–or necessary–between a parent and child? In many families, these words come easily. But if you grew up never hearing them, saying “I love you” may feel somewhat unnatural to you. Or if members of your family used loving statements to control or manipulate, you may be very uncomfortable using them with your own children.

Many families either don’t communicate loving feelings very often or they communicate them in destructive ways. A counselor friend once told me she was appalled to discover that some of her clients had never heard the words, “I love you” from their parents: “I couldn’t imagine parents who couldn’t say ‘I love you’ to their children, probably because I grew up hearing it all the time. But in the middle of my shock and self-righteousness, I realized that in my family, that statement was always loaded with expectations for me to do something. Most of the time when my parents said ‘I love you’ they would stand there and wait for us to say ‘I love you, too’. So that statement always came off as a solicitation, rather than an expression of how they really felt about us.”

If either of these extremes describe your upbringing, chances are, you aren’t using loving statements as often–or as “cleanly”–as you might. A few simple guidelines can help.

Let’s hear it! We all need to hear loving statements from people we care about. It may be easy to assume that your kids know you love them. After all, you do love them and you probably do a lot of loving things for them. That’s important.

But feeling love for someone is not the same as expressing it. Nor is doing loving things. Loving feelings and loving behaviors are not loving words–and those are important, too.

If you find it hard to get the words out of your mouth, either from lack of familiarity or fear of rejection, start slowly. A parent in one of my workshops confessed to practicing on the dog for a few days before she could get up the nerve to try it out on her kids! Another started by writing love notes to her children, sneaking them into their lunch bags or under their pillows. Both reported such a strong, positive response from their children, that saying “I love you” came much more easily after that.

Let’s hear it some more. None of this “I-told-you-I-love-you-in-1985″ stuff, OK? This isn’t like going to the dentist twice a year. So maybe it’s still not easy to say, even with the practice and little successes. Maybe hearing “I love you” even gives your kids the creeps (this is more age specific than anything else and less likely to happen if you don’t say it in front of his entire 5th grade class). Say it anyhow. As a gift to yourself, communicate your love daily. At least.

Keep it simple! “I love you” is a complete sentence. We don’t need to tie our feelings for a person to the person’s behavior. In fact, whenever we connect it to something the other person has done, “I love you” becomes a statement of conditional caring.

“I love you when you make your bed”, or “I love you when you make the honor roll”, suggest that you love your child because of his behavior or accomplishment. It also suggests that the love wouldn’t be there–or be quite the same–if the child hadn’t made the bed or the grades. (Don’t you love your kid in either case?) You can still be excited and happy about the behavior, but avoid communicating that your loving feelings for your child exist because he’s doing what pleases you.

“I love you”. Period.

No “buts” about it! By the same token, watch the tendency to use “I love you” as a lead-in to a confrontation about something your child has done that you find disturbing. If you need to address the child’s behavior or set a boundary, by all means do so. But deal with the behavior–not the worth of the child, or your feelings for him or her.

If the child needs to clean her room or miss the movie because her chores were not done, deal with the situation, not your feelings. You don’t need to say, “I love you but…” to soften the blow. Your feelings are not an issue here.

Besides, because of the way the brain processes the words we hear, whatever you say before the word “but” automatically gets canceled out anyhow. (In other words, if you say, “I love you, but your room is a mess,” all the child ends up hearing is, “Your room is a mess.”)

Using “but” in the same sentence as “I love you” is confusing and manipulative. As in the previous example, this type of statement suggests that the child is only lovable conditionally. Cut to the chase. Avoid tying the feelings you express to the way the child is acting–good or bad.

No expectations. Say “I love you” because you want to say “I love you.” Say it because you feel love toward the person you’re talking to. Say it because it feels good to say it.

“I love you” is a powerful statement and lots of times it will evoke a loving response from the recipient. But attaching an expectation for a response to the statement is a set-up–both for you and the other person. If the expectation is there, your child will know it. If he does respond, it will probably be to avoid guilt or conflict rather than genuine, spontaneous caring. Is that what you really want?

If your children haven’t learned how to say “I love you” yet, it’s OK to tell them that you need to hear those three little words sometimes, too. Then give them some space to risk, practice and learn. By far their best lessons will come from your own unconditional modeling.

Turn the love inward. Next to unconditional love, the best gift you can give another person is the love you give yourself! In fact the ability to love, appreciate and care for yourself is essential to healthy, loving relationships with others.

So, look in the mirror. Look into your eyes. Say “I love you.” No “buts.” No qualifiers. Say it out loud. Say it often. Mean it.

What better way to affirm how worthwhile and lovable you are. And what better way to practice one of the most basic, most precious and important parenting skills there is.

When your children aren’t very loving…

“I HATE YOU, MOMMY!”

OK. You’re really working hard on your boundaries and recognize that sometimes responsible parenting means saying “no” to your child’s request for Milk Duds for dinner or a plea for a 4 a.m. curfew. If your child is doing her job, you can count on her to occasionally resist you efforts at setting even reasonable limits. And sometimes that means she is going to fight dirty, especially if it’s worked in the past.

“I HATE YOU, MOMMY!”

Nothing will trigger anger, shame, shock and a sense of inadequacy faster than this statement. It’s hard to hear someone you love tell you that he hates you and not take it rather personally. Children know this. They figure out, often at a very early age, that this is a short-cut to a lot of attention (negative attention though it may be) and often to getting their own way.

So, how do you respond?

It’s actually pretty simple–at least on paper. First of all, resist the temptation to talk about how this statement “really hurts me and brings up all my abandonment and inadequacy issues.” Sure, tell your therapist or your sponsor, but don’t dump on your 4-year-old. (Even if your children happen to have degrees in psychiatry, do you really want to make them responsible for your feelings? They’re not, you know, and the burden can be overwhelming even for healthy, well-adjusted adults with excellent personal boundaries!)

Instead, acknowledge the feelings behind the statement: “You sound pretty angry,” “You’re upset about that’” or even “I understand.”

Disengage–especially if you find yourself getting upset. Watch out for the temptation to hurt back. Saying “I hate you too, sometimes!” may be exactly what you are feeling at the moment, but it won’t help you, your child or your relationship for you to become a 4-year-old who is acting out. If you need some support, encouragement, reassurance or understanding, call on your adult resources.

And leave the door open for further discussions with your child at a later, and calmer, time: “Let’s talk about this in a little bit.”

If you are able to stay “unhooked” and refuse to change your mind because your child has said that she hates you, she’s far less likely to continue using this statement to manipulate your feelings and behaviors. Plus, you’ll be able to hang onto the idea that you’re still a wonderful and lovable person–no matter what your kids say!

Yes this works on Daddies, too.

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About the Author: A dynamic and entertaining speaker, Dr. Bluestein has worked with thousands of educators, counselors, administrators, health-care providers, criminal justice personnel and parents. Her down-to earth speaking style, practicality, sense of humor, and numerous examples make her ideas clear and accessible to her audiences.

There are Five Safety Secrets that truly make kids safe. These Secrets set the foundation of true safety for a lifetime in children, and can do the same for your child.

These Secrets will also surprise you. They work quietly and effectively beneath the surface of your child’s brain. If you use these Five Secrets, they will make any safety technique that much more effective. Without these Five Safety Secrets, your child will never be able to keep themselves safe. Ever.

Secret #1: Confidence.
Confidence and a positive self image are crucial in good child safety. Confident kids are less of a target for sexual predators. Not only do they stand taller and keep their heads up higher, they represent a problem, a less than easy victim for sexual predators.

Confident kids project “struggle” for any predator trolling for kids and more often than not, predators will pass them by. More often, predators will choose kids that appear weak and sad, a child in need of a friend. These are the kids that hang their heads, shuffle down the street and have a hard time looking anyone in the eye when they talk to them.

Confidence is a powerful deterrent.

And yet, there is something more, something deeper when your child is confident. Confident kids display certain structural changes, physical changes in their bodies that serve them better than kids that have poor self-images. Confident kids can control their physical movements a little bit better. At the same time, they can move more quickly and with finer control of those movements. We find confident kids can actually focus better mentally and for longer periods of time.

In other words, these kids are better equipped physically, mentally and emotionally to learn the actual safety techniques that could save them from sexual predators than kids that feel bad about themselves. Kids that hang their head, shuffle around, are tired or ill, cannot move with as much control or quickness or think as clearly as kids that are healthy and confident. A high degree of self confidence and a positive self image matter in good child safety.

Secret #2: Empowerment.
Empowering your child to take care of themselves is one of the most powerful Safety Secret you can learn.

When you empower your child, you truly teach them to make choices for themselves. When you mentor them as a parent you actually guide them into learning to make good, positive choices for themselves on their own. When they can do this, they will truly be safe for a lifetime.

In its simplest form, empowerment means your child feels like they have a measure of control over their life. They feel they can make their own decisions. Most kids don’t feel this ability. Most kids do not have it, either. Parents and adults are constantly making decisions for children:

-When to eat
-What to eat
-When to get up
-When to go to sleep
-Where to go
-Who to go with
-What to do

The list can go on endlessly. Life for a child can feel completely out of their control. Kids will engage in a struggle with their parents to get some control of their lives. In doing so it usually comes across as conflict.

-No! I don’t want to go!
-I don’t like that!
-I’m not eating that!
-Stop it!
-I don’t want to!
-Leave me alone!

The Secret to empowering your child, even at the youngest of ages, is in giving them their own choices to make. Give them alternatives to situations in their lives, let them make some of their own choices.

This too, can be pretty simple. For example, instead of serving them broccoli, ask them to choose between carrots, peas or broccoli or another vegetable. Give them a choice to make instead of just putting one on their plate. Instead of the green dress, ask your daughter which one she would like to wear. Instead of forcing your child into the brown shoes, ask them which ones they would like to put on today.

These are pretty simple examples, but this about as easy as it gets in empowering your child. Giving your child choices is crucial in their development. It is crucial in their ability to keep themselves safe, too.

Making choices matters to kids. When you do this simple, easy thing, miracles will happen within them. An empowered child starts to feel good about themselves. And what would consistent, good feelings about themselves lead to? Confidence!

Will your child always make good choices for themselves? No. That is where you, Mom and Dad, come into the picture. You, as a mentor to your child, can guide them through the array of choices they will face. You can guide them and teach them about good choices and the benefits of making good choices for themselves. It is what safe kids are all about.

Secret #3: Catch Them Being Good.
When your child makes a bad choice, it’s important for you to stay calm about it. Yes, this is easier said then done. However, it is critical in your child’s ability to keep themselves safe, that you learn to take their mistakes in stride.

You have to spend more time and energy catching your child being good.

A subtle prodding towards better choices is more effective than highlighting, in a big emotional way, any bad choice they make for themselves. If you have to highlight negative behavior, be very careful in saying, “That was a bad choice,” rather than “You are bad.” Take care to say, “You can make better choices,” instead of saying, “How stupid!” Things like, “You’re a great kid but that choice could have been better,” keeps your child’s image of themselves solid and highlights the choice only, not them, as being bad. Your child is good, the choice is bad.

Building confidence, building a solid self image in your child, builds safety. Capitalize on this and highlight the good things they do more often than the bad things. As a matter of fact, focus on highlighting as many good things as you can rather than making a big deal about the bad things they may do.

Catch Them Being Good.

Positive reinforcement is a much stronger teaching tool and technique for child safety than negative reinforcement. Praise your child when you see them doing good behaviors. Lavish the praise and adulation onto them when they do really great things. This is also positive mentoring. This is channeling your child into learning how to make good, solid and positive choices for themselves. It builds and fosters that ever-so-critical confidence in themselves.

It is easier to notice the bad behavior. We are tuned by society to notice the negative and bad things people do. It is very easy to notice the bad things your child does. It is a focus of many parents, naturally. Reverse the trend and make your focal point the things your child does well. Positive reinforcement will teach your child to repeat those behaviors you want and make it easier for you to guide them into those good choices.

Secret #4: Listening.
Another crucial Secret in teaching kids to be safe is to let them know you are listening to them.

Listening to your child goes beyond the standard, “Yep. Un huh. Sure.” These kinds of responses they get daily. True listening, the kind that allows your child to feel like they are really being heard and understood, is a special parenting skill.

Listening to your child happens in two ways: one, you allow them to say what they need to say, in their words, in their way, however they want to say it. It may be challenging to follow this advice, especially when your child speaks in disjointed sentences or jumbled words. They may take 5 or 10 minutes out of your busy day, but just let them talk without interrupting them. You can tell when it is important versus when they are just mumbling or making noise. Sit and listen to them. Take the time, make the time.

Two, listen to what they say without judgment. Even if you do not like what you hear, even if you feel upset by what you hear, listen to it. Be quiet, look them in the eyes with your full attention and simply listen to them.

Your child is coming to you. They need your attention. They believe at that moment you will listen to them. Do it. Reserve judgment and negative feelings about what they are saying for another time.

When you do this you are building on the future, on your child’s safety. They need to feel, deep inside, they can tell you about anything. They need the security of knowing you will listen to them and what they have to say. If your child is threatened in any way, they will need to come to you, Mom or Dad, and tell you. That rapport and comfort for them needs to be established at a young age. You start by simply listening to them.

Secret #5: Repetition.
This last Secret is probably the most important of all. You must use it and apply it, day in and day out at home.

True learning for your child comes with repetition. That is your job. You need to do it at home.

Repetition does not need to be boring, either. Make games out of things you want to teach. Use fun words and phrases your child uses when talking about safety. Fold in your child’s favorite toys, cartoon characters or things they like into activities you do several times a week. These are simple yet exciting skills for reinforcement activities. It’s repetition with excitement. What a great way to learn for any child!

Working with our techniques is also something to do a few times a week. Stay away from daily practice routines as if this was a sport as this is the surest way to bore your child and lose their attention.

Make learning safety fun. Make it exciting. Fold in the whole family and enjoy learning about true safety for a lifetime together.

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About the Author: Joyce Jackson is a child safety expert in northern California. For her extensive website and information see Keeping Kids Safe and a free special report at STOP Predators COLD!

If you’re a parent, no doubt you’ve noticed more and more businesses catering to families. Restaurants offer special nights where kids eat free. Movie theaters and bowling allies lure busy parents with promises of low-cost, fun-filled birthday parties. Even fitness centers are jumping in on the action by offering special rooms or entire facilities where kids can have fun with other kids while doing something good.

Parents are working hard to balance the demands of a career with the demands of a family. And smart business owners are working hard to take advantage of this latest shift in priorities. Today, “kid-friendly” is as popular a marketing phrase as the “no-carb” craze that saturated the country just a few years back. It’s a smart move that benefits everyone - the kids, their parents, and especially the owners of these kid-friendly establishments.

Kids benefit because they’re made to feel special. Parents benefit because they can go out in public without fear of being blacklisted. They can change diapers, breast feed or give their kids time-outs and not feel embarrassed. Stay-at-home-parents who don’t get out much enjoy the opportunities kid friendly establishments create to meet other parents in the same situation. And of course, business owners know that behind every kid is a paying adult and they’re all too happy to take full advantage of this relatively untapped revenue stream.

What does kid friendly really mean?

Like other labels, there’s no clear definition of what it means to be “kid friendly.” Most of the time, being kid friendly is part of the attraction. Even the best-behaved kids want a chance to act their ages. They’re full of curiosity and energy and they need places where they can let loose and be around other kids. Kid friendly establishments offer all of these opportunities and more.

One of the hottest trends right now is kids clubs and lots of hotels and all the major cruise lines offer them. Kids clubs offer a wide assortment of supervised activities for kids of all ages. After filling out waivers and proving emergency contact information (in the event it’s needed) parents can leave their children in someone else’s care while they go off to have some fun of their own knowing their kids are safe.

Most kid friendly restaurants offer fun décor along with special dining options that are sure to please even the pickiest eater’s palette. Kid friendly movies and video games for the most part are absent any foul language, graphic violence, or sexual situations. They’re good clean fun for the whole family. And sometimes, saying a business is kid-friendly can be a subtle way to alert those without children of what’s waiting inside.

Basically, if it’s affordable, accessible, educational, fun or all of the above, chances are good that it’s kid friendly. But if you’re ever in doubt, take time to find out. Go online or call the establishment and ask what about it makes it kid friendly.

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About the Author: Danielle is a writer for Kid Friendly Resorts head on over to www.kidfriendlyguide.com - your comprehensive guide to kid friendly fun!